{"id":2685,"date":"2015-01-15T15:19:17","date_gmt":"2015-01-15T15:19:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/?p=2685"},"modified":"2015-01-15T15:19:17","modified_gmt":"2015-01-15T15:19:17","slug":"death-factory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/?p=2685","title":{"rendered":"Death Factory!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Death Factory<\/a> ~ 2002, Brad Sykes<\/strong><\/p>\n

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On the off chance that any of you hate yourselves, or feel guilty, and want to cause yourselves some sort of anguish, I’ve got good news; there is a company called\u00a0Brain Damage Films<\/strong>, they exist, they are a real thing, and they have got you covered, big time. One 90 minute Brain Damage movie\u00a0is the mental and psychological equivalent to nine months in a P.O.W. camp, I promise, watch one, and you’ll have a terrible, terrible time.\u00a0These movies are just the worst, and if you have some weird need to punish yourself, for really any reason at all, Death Factory<\/em> is on par with an evening of beating yourself in the face. The difference is;\u00a0with Death Factory<\/em>, all your scars are inside, on your soul and brain. That’s going to be convenient when you go into work the next day and won’t have to explain to your boss what happened to all of your teeth.<\/p>\n

THE PLOT~<\/strong> This movie opens, like every Brain Damage movie I have ever seen (All two of them), With some lame nerd guy trying to hype you up for this horrible, horrible movie that you’re about to watch. He’s like, the mascot of Brain Damage, I guess, he dresses like an old school punk and speaks at the very bottom of his register, it’s really pretty embarrassing. Anyway. He summarizes the movie in what he hopes is an exciting way. He’s sort of like a bargain basement Crypt Keeper, except that he’s totally unlikable, and he\u00a0probably has to pay for sex (When we all know the Cryptkeeper can get anyone\u00a0he pleases.) Anyway, he’s here. Then the movie proper begins…<\/p>\n

Death Factory<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0is the very definition of generic, straight to DVD horror, and it is as bland as dry toast. The only thing this movie has that it can hope will differentiate it from the unending sea of scratched up, second hand DVDs left in apartment closets after weirdos get\u00a0evicted is that it sucks a little harder than average. The premise is as such: Over and over, people continually break into an abandoned chemical factory, only to be murdered by a \u201cMonster,\u201d which is really just a goth chick with metal leg braces and blades strapped onto her hands. Apparently, this \u201cmonster\u201d is an ex-employee who was mutated by exposure to biological weapons. The movie really overplays just how “mutated” she is, because as I’ve said, she doesn’t look mutated in the least.\u00a0Right now there are eleven kids that look exactly like her employed at your local Hot Topic.<\/p>\n

The main\u00a0group we follow into this paint-by-numbers horror movie scenario is made up of people visibly in their 30’s (or older) playing college kids, and the film ends with a twist ending so banal that not even well known “twist ending” fetishist M. Knight Shyamalan would find his fancy tickled. It’s bad, and I don’t think this movie was ever intended to be watched, actually. I present this theory;\u00a0Death Factory<\/em> was made with the express purpose of filling shelves at Hollywood Video, it’s filler; it’s background decoration. They never dreamed anyone would actually rent it… But they were wrong, because me and my friends totally did. What fools we were.<\/p>\n

All of the characters in this Death Factory<\/em>\u00a0are horribly written, directed and acted. Often, their behavior makes no sense whatsoever. For instance, at the begining of the movie, a couple breaks into the “factory” so they can find somewhere exciting to fool around. It’s the girl’s idea, by the way, that’s important to know for later. So, while in the midst of gettin’ down to business, the male\u00a0spots this\u00a0horrifying “mutant” peeking in at them, so he reacts to what he sees, like anyone would. This just pisses the girl off something fierce, she cannot believe how out of line he is for reacting. His momentary fear and surprise caused by being startled in a weird, scary place where they aren\u2019t even supposed to be is apparently more than she is able to tolerate, so she yells at him and storms off, utterly incensed by his behavior, and even refuses to let him accompany her. \u201cI just need to be alone!\u201d She yells. Right, so she’s totally insane. What human would act like that?!<\/p>\n

And it isn’t really her\u00a0fault, she is the way she is because she’s been written by dummies, and it doesn\u2019t end\u00a0there. All\u00a0characters in Death Factory<\/em> suck in their own, stupid way, whether it be the 40 year old white woman who plays a college aged Latina, the dirty metal-head who would never be caught dead hanging out with a bunch of squares in real life, or the black man who plays a humiliatingly stereotypical black man. His portrayal is actually embarrassing\u00a0enough that at first I thought he should be ashamed to have represented African Americans in this way, before I realized that the white actors should be no less ashamed for portraying white people the way this movie required them to. Really, no one escapes involvement with\u00a0Death Factory<\/em> without taking on a sizable chunk of bad karma. If reincarnation is real, these people will cruise into the next life as some kind of parasite that lives inside of anuses.<\/p>\n

Another awesome Death Factory<\/em> fact: Holy shit, this is NOT a factory<\/strong>. At no point, ever, in this movie, does the setting appear factory like in the least. These are just dilapidated bedrooms connected by unfinished, plywood hallways. What, every room in this factory is fully furnished with at least one couch and multiple chairs? This factory had a very avant garde “no machinery\/shit load of couches” philosophy in regards to factory design. Why even call this Death Factory<\/em>? So many questions, Brain Damage\u2026<\/p>\n

Also, Ron Jeremy plays a small role in this film. His part? A Drunken, stumbling hobo who dies right away. Yes, with everything Ron Jeremy has on his resume, I wouldn’t really start to feel ashamed until Death Factory<\/em>. Why did he take this job, actually? Had he fallen on hard times? how hard could times actually be?\u00a0Did they even pay him? No, Ron Jeremy. This isn’t worth it. Couldn’t you just start banging ventriloquist dummies or something? I refuse to believe that there wasn’t less demeaning work available to him.<\/p>\n

Brain Damage addresses their viewer (viewerS<\/b>? Could there be more than one?) as \u201cgorehounds’, so you would expect them to at least deliver on the gore with their crappy little videos, and more or less, they do. I mean, it\u2019s no-budget gore, but it’s in there. In this case, that adds up to maybe a few Halloween store props and\u00a0a ton of fake blood that can just be caked on top of woundless flesh, and\u00a0nothing more extravagant than that. They for sure try to milk it for all it’s worth, though, these shots drag on and on, and Brain Damage is not\u00a0stingy with that fake blood.\u00a0They really splash that shit on there. Expect to linger on shots of people writhing in gross, red goo for what will seem like an eternity,\u00a0but anything more complicated than that is simply outside the budgetary restrictions of Death Factory<\/em>… Which doesn’t really matter. It sucks left right and center no matter what, and more, or less graphic violence was never going to be Death Factory’s<\/em> salvation. The best thing this movie could do for humanity is to be forgotten and promptly excluded from all written records. Oh, shit, why did I review it?<\/p>\n

The Hollywood Video joke I made before actually isn’t far off, actually. Little Direct To Video studios like Brain Damage, or\u00a0The Asylum<\/strong>, were primarily\u00a0dependent on Video Store traffic in the last decade. With no talent associated with the project to bring audiences in, and nothing of merit in the production to warrant a word of mouth reputation, 100% of the demand for this movie was just people browsing who saw it on a shelf of their local video store and thought “What the hell?” If they rented it, they might have watched it, but they don’t rent it twice. Just being on the shelf\u00a0at all was an example of Brain Damage’s business model succeeding, but now, those shelves are gone, and these movies are fighting to remain relevant in an era of vending machines, streaming video, and even shorter attention spans.\u00a0I’ve seen plenty of Brain Damage’s products offered up by Netflix Instant View with the stink of desperation upon\u00a0them, so I think the plan is to hope for a similar phenomena on a digital shelf, but we’ll see if it works out for them.<\/p>\n

I hope it doesn’t. What they do is not art.<\/p>\n

F<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Death Factory ~ 2002, Brad Sykes On the off chance that any of you hate yourselves, or feel guilty, and want to cause yourselves some sort of anguish, I’ve got good news; there is a company called\u00a0Brain Damage Films, they exist, they are a real thing, and they have got you covered, big time. One […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[608,605,609,613,614,148,611,607,616,603,606,612,615,610,617,604],"class_list":["post-2685","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-background-decoration","tag-brain-damage-films","tag-death-factory","tag-direct-to-video-garbage","tag-dont-watch-this","tag-f","tag-goth-chicks","tag-hollywood-video","tag-humiliatingly-stereotypical-black-man","tag-m-knight-shyamalan","tag-nerdy-brain-damage-punk-rock-guy","tag-penny-pincher-gore","tag-ron-jeremy","tag-that-is-not-a-damn-factory","tag-the-asylum","tag-twist-ending"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2685","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2685"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2685\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2935,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2685\/revisions\/2935"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}