{"id":3969,"date":"2015-05-14T11:43:32","date_gmt":"2015-05-14T11:43:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/?p=3969"},"modified":"2015-05-15T02:42:16","modified_gmt":"2015-05-15T02:42:16","slug":"dunyayi-kurtaran-adam-aka-the-man-who-saved-the-world-aka-turkish-start-wars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/?p=3969","title":{"rendered":"D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam (AKA THE MAN WHO SAVED THE WORLD AKA TURKISH STAR WARS!!!!!)"},"content":{"rendered":"

D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam<\/a> (<\/strong>A.K.A. The Man Who Saved The World<\/a>, <\/strong>AKA TURKISH STAR WARS!)<\/strong> ~ 1982, \u00c7etin Inan\u00e7, Turkey<\/span><\/p>\n

\"DUNYAYI-KURTARAN-ADAM-TURKISH-STAR-WARS\"<\/p>\n

For decades,\u00a0poor old\u00a0Ed Wood (Rest in peace) has frequently been labeled\u00a0the single worst director of all time. Really? If you really think that the man who brought us Glen or Glenda?<\/strong><\/em><\/a> lives at the absolute bottom of the cinematic barrel, then buddy, my suggestion would be that you clear your calendar, get your hands on some Turkish Pop Cinema, and prepare to have your damn mind blown, because you have no idea how far down that barrel actually goes. During the industry’s golden age (the devil-may-care European 1980’s), Turkey produced some of the most bat-shit insane\u00a0movies ever\u00a0known to mankind, and by comparison, Mr. Wood’s body of work would have appeared mature, reserved, and relatively well made. Here we are,\u00a0thirty years later, and even\u00a0deliberate attempts to match that magical\u00a01980’s Turkish crazy don’t even come close. That’s probably for the best, take my word for it.<\/p>\n

Possibly the most famous\u00a0movie to come out of these truly bizarre artistic circumstances is D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam, <\/em><\/strong>which, translated to English, apparently means The Man Who Saved the World<\/strong><\/em>, but to most psychotronic film fans around the world, it’s better known by it’s unofficial title; TURKISH STAR WARS.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"1286582131-aaaalc1\"<\/p>\n

I don’t know if Turkey even had copy write laws at this stage in the game, but Turkish film makers were\u00a0evidently free to pilfer other people’s intellectual properties with impunity back in 1982.\u00a0What you would get is this,\u00a0Turkish\u00a0folks\u00a0would just go out and\u00a0snatch up movies from The States (or wherever) and then Turkify the hell out of\u00a0them, thereby crafting weird, Z-Grade, home grown\u00a0imitations for the domestic market.\u00a0Turkish Star Wars<\/em> is, obviously, Turkey’s imitation of\u00a0the Star Wars<\/strong><\/em><\/a>\u00a0films, and while it doesn’t follow the plot of the Star Wars<\/em> movies (it would have been a lot better off\u00a0if it had)\u00a0the movies\u00a0DOES in fact use a good deal of\u00a0stolen footage and music including numerous\u00a0shots from St<\/strong>ar Wars: A New Hope<\/strong><\/em>, as well as\u00a0music from Star Wars<\/em>, Indiana Jones<\/strong><\/em><\/a>, and also\u00a0Flash Gordon<\/strong><\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n

THE PLOT~<\/strong> In the future, Mankind is finally at peace, or something, I think… Except\u00a0that we\u00a0got alien problems like you wouldn’t believe, so actually, we are very much at war. Yeah… Also, uh, the human brain is like,\u00a0really amazing, or something… but aliens don’t have brains… so… That’s part of the story, I guess… Ummmm…\u00a0Earth has, in what I would call\u00a0a completely incoherent perversion of logic, been\u00a0broken into several different\u00a0pieces over the years, and these pieces have all\u00a0drifted off\u00a0into space, becoming independent planets… but really,\u00a0that’s not ever adequately addressed… Nor is the fact that Earth is somehow protected by a huge\u00a0shield, which was\u00a0created by the united consciousness of the entire human race. Basically, that’s kinda like this movie’s answer to The Force, so you might call that\u00a0THE TURKISH FORCE<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

I’m sorry, I know that\u00a0none of this makes sense, and frankly, it’s not going to get any better. Here we go!<\/p>\n

So, we Earthlings launch all of our fighters off\u00a0into space, and\u00a0no surprise, the\u00a0mightiest of all these\u00a0warriors just happen to be\u00a0two old, grizzled Turkish dudes, named\u00a0Murat<\/strong>, and Ali<\/strong>. Turkish Star Wars<\/em> generously provides us with a\u00a0Turkish Darth Vader<\/strong> (called The Wizard<\/strong>), a Turkish Obi Wan Kenobi<\/strong> (an old Muslim holy man<\/strong>), and a Turkish Princess Leia<\/strong> (some trashy Def Leppard groupie who doesn’t even\u00a0have any lines\u00a0until the third act of the film<\/strong>), but they’ve got NO<\/strong> Turkish Luke Skywalker for us. Poor show!\u00a0Instead, we get\u00a0two lumpy Turkish Han Solos<\/strong>, in the form of Murat (played by somewhat legendary Turkish actor\/psychopath C\u00fcneyt Arkin<\/strong>) and Ali (played by Aytekin Akkaya, <\/span><\/strong>who looks like someone The Fonz would but pot from<\/span>.) While “flying” their damn X-Wings (more on this later) into\u00a0combat,\u00a0Ali and Murat are apparently shot down, or magically transported, or SOMETHING to a floating chunk of Earth that was once…. Egypt? Maybe? I don’t know, you guys, but they wind up on a planet that has several important holy sites from Earth on it, and they have no space ships when they regain consciousness. They just wake up partially buried in dirt on an alien planet with no knowledge of how they got there,\u00a0and the first thing they do after dusting themselves off is to try and formulate a plan\u00a0to get laid by whatever alien chicks might be lurking around nearby. These guys!<\/p>\n

From here it only gets worse. Turns out the evil Wizard (aforementioned Turkish Darth Vader, he looks like ass) wants to capture our heroes \u00a0and study their brains so that he can learn the secret of destroying Earth’s force field. Eventually, paths cross, but 85% of this movie is C\u00fcneyt Arkin punching things\u00a0like a damn lunatic. Seriously, this is worth taking time to discuss; C\u00fcneyt Arkin is fucking ridiculous.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_0266\"<\/a><\/p>\n

If you see this man, haul ass in the opposite direction, but it’s probably too late.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This film is just fight scene after fight scene, and Arkin appears to have formulated his own branch of martial arts without any previous knowledge of\u00a0hand to hand combat, or just being a rational human being in general. For Arkin, it’s about hitting more, and most importantly,\u00a0as hard as possible, every single time. Where a normal man would punch once, Arkin punches 11 times, and every single blow is 100% of Arkin’s mental and physical energy, his face contorted into a red mask of irrational Turkish fury, and the sound effects his blows create\u00a0are bassy, over-driven explosions that could never occur in the natural world. He looks like\u00a0a sixty year old man with the mind of a child,\u00a0who just smoked a bunch of meth while watching Bloodsport<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0<\/a>and then\u00a0decided to crash a Furry convention and beat everyone to\u00a0within an inch of their life. (Oh yeah, the aliens in this movie looks completely terrible, most of them are just an unintelligible mass of synthetic fur with bike handlebar streamers attached to their fingertips. Really.)<\/p>\n

\"10972267_gal\"So, there’s these guys, we see A LOT of whatever the hell they are.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"IMG_0264\"<\/p>\n

And this fucking thing. Who okayed these costumes!??!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Late in the film, Murat is treated to some long, drawn-out exposition\u00a0pertaining to Islam, and Jesus,\u00a0who for some reason lives underground now, apparently, and when that’s finally over, Turkish Obi Wan is like, “look, bro, you gotta go get this ancient,\u00a0magical sword, plus also there’s a human brain made of gold over there, too. Go get it, you can’t let the wizard get that shit, cuz then he’ll destroy Earth I think!” This brilliant\u00a0plan totally backfires because everyone in this film is an idiot, but that’s besides the point. What I wanted to highlight about this sequence is that the sword he recovers basically amounts to our TURKISH LIGHTSABER, <\/strong>and damn is it stupid. It’s enormous, and\u00a0the dumbest\u00a0looking thing I’ve ever seen in a movie. Here it is:<\/p>\n

\"IMG_0270\"<\/p>\n

“Just holdin’ my sword. This movie is every bit as good as Star Wars<\/em>. Why you laughin’, bro?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Murat does kill a bunch of monsters with the sword, but he quickly realizes that a life where he doesn’t constantly punch things just isn’t worth living. Having firmly made up his mind, Murat takes this priceless, centuries old relic of human culture, and melts it down into a liquid, thereby destroying it forever. That’s step one. Step two is that he takes his friggin’ hands and deliberately dunks them into his newly formed\u00a0super-heated pool of molten\u00a0metal. Yep!\u00a0Step three SHOULD be him screaming his ass off on a gurney while being hustled into the E.R.,\u00a0but this is Turkish Star Wars<\/em>, so rather than\u00a0melting his hands off into cauterized stumps like we all know would really happen, Murat is instead endowed with giant, golden gauntlets, thus finally granting him the ability to punch\u00a0again, only this time\u00a0with all the added might of a Turkish Lightsaber. Now in glove form!\u00a0I think he also does the same thing to his feet, I don’t remember the little gold sneakers before… But anyway,\u00a0this is the extreme to which Murat’s need to punch drives him, and he spends the remainder of the film violently punching monsters into furry, disembodied corpses. The twist ending is that he doesn’t actually punch the wizard to death, but shockingly, goes for a karate chop, which actually slices his astro-nemesis in half,\u00a0lengthwise. Don’t get too excited, the effect is garbage.<\/p>\n

\"turkish-star-wars-haut-3665389qgcud\"<\/p>\n

The last thing a Furry sees before it dies.<\/strong><\/p>\n

More than anything else, Turkish Star Wars<\/em> is a romance\u00a0about\u00a0one man’s undying\u00a0love for punching things. In this film, there is no Turkish Death Star. We do briefly see the American Death Star at the beginning of the film, but it disappears without explanation and is never mentioned again\u00a0throughout the rest of the movie. I think the implication is clear; Murat just punched the Death Star into dust over the course of a few afternoons and that was that; no photon torpedo’s required.<\/p>\n

Everything here\u00a0is bad, bad, bad.\u00a0The only parts of Turksih Star Wars<\/em> that aren’t unforgivably shitty are the parts that they just stole from somebody else, and they don’t even do that right. The sequence I mentioned before,\u00a0which has Murat and Ali flying off to engage in their outer space dogfight, is pretty frustrating. In essence, it’s\u00a0a collection of close ups of either actor\u00a0wearing a\u00a0motorcycle helmet and sitting in front of a screen which is\u00a0playing clips from A New Hope<\/em>. They reuse the same shots over and over, and often, the shot playing\u00a0on screen behind them will\u00a0cut to a\u00a0new shot\u00a0while\u00a0our foreground\u00a0footage does not, and vice versa. Additionally, the footage behind them regularly informs us that our pilots, who are facing directly into the camera, are frequently flying backwards, and sometimes, backwards while at a 45 degree angle. Come on, they couldn’t do better than this?! It’s just terrible.<\/p>\n

\"Thecinemasnob-TURKISHSTARWARSByTheCinemaSnob373\"<\/p>\n

Good work, C\u00fcneyt. You’re totally in space right now.<\/strong><\/p>\n

There’s another famous sequence in the film\u00a0that basically amounts to\u00a0Ali and Murat’s Turkish Jedi training, where Murat fastens enormous boulders to his ankles and jumps all over the place.<\/p>\n

\"5\"<\/p>\n

Plus, look at that physique!<\/strong><\/p>\n

People seem to remember this scene as the centerpiece of the entire film, but I’m not sure why. I’ll agree, it looks completely silly, but no more so than any other sequence. At one point in\u00a0film,\u00a0Turkish Darth Vader drinks human blood through a crazy straw. That’s pretty silly.\u00a0Later on, the bad guys capture Ali and Murat, and\u00a0devise the ultimate, most unbearable, most\u00a0inescapable form of torture ever, being buried alive! The movie really hypes this\u00a0whole deal\u00a0up, they really want you to think that this is just the most grim fate imaginable, and that no one could possibly\u00a0be mighty enough to overcome so gruesome an ordeal… Then, when they actually do it, they just sort of toss a few scoops of dirt on\u00a0our heroes\u00a0and call it a day.\u00a0Ali and Murat don’t look the\u00a0least bit pained, they\u00a0just sort of sit up, and the aliens flip out. The movie flips out, too, this incredible feat (sitting up) is really glorified as being an unparalleled display of strength and fortitude, and honestly, they had very, very little dirt on them when it happened. You also could have sat up and survived this alien torture, were it you in their shoes. It’s absurd, but the film doesn’t appear to realize this, and the truth is,\u00a0D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam<\/em><\/strong> is full of ridiculous shit exactly like that. All Turkish pop cinema is!\u00a0Where Turkish Star Wars<\/em> strays from the pack, however, \u00a0is that it’s both wacky as fuck, and somehow, boring as hell. Most of you wouldn’t survive this film in a single sitting, and that’s the sad truth. In order to reach Turkish Star Wars<\/em>, you must first travel through numerous lesser nonsense films, or else it’s going to feel like the longest 90 minutes of your life.<\/p>\n

\"turkishclimax_io9.flv\"<\/p>\n

That’s Turish Darth Vader, by the way.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yeah… It’s not that great.\u00a0D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam ‘s <\/strong><\/em>notoriety is 100% due to it’s unlicensed connection to Star Wars<\/em>, rather than any distinction\u00a0it may have earned in it’s own right, positive or negative. Clearly, this is\u00a0a complete piece of shit, but it’s not the shittiest of its ilk, nor is it even the craziest. So far as that goes, Turkish Star Wars<\/em> is actually pretty middle of the road. People who like these movies\u00a0tend to do so because of their high spirited enthusiasm, and wild, reckless abandon, but if you don’t come into Turkish cinema with a positive attitude and some hardcore rose-tinted glasses, it’s going to\u00a0give you ample reason to hate on\u00a0it with every fiber of your being. Whatever your take on Turkish cinema as a whole, D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam<\/em><\/strong> is an experience to be had.<\/p>\n

\"film-starwars\"<\/p>\n

“FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKK YYYYYOOOOUUUUUU, FFFURRRYYY MMMMAAANNNN!!!!!” – Murat. (P.S. This would make such an awesome poster.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

D+<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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D\u00fcnyay\u0131 Kurtaran Adam (A.K.A. The Man Who Saved The World, AKA TURKISH STAR WARS!) ~ 1982, \u00c7etin Inan\u00e7, Turkey For decades,\u00a0poor old\u00a0Ed Wood (Rest in peace) has frequently been labeled\u00a0the single worst director of all time. Really? If you really think that the man who brought us Glen or Glenda? lives at the absolute bottom […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1194,1208,1212,1191,1207,1210,147,1202,1192,1145,1198,1199,1217,1218,1195,1013,1206,1214,1215,1211,1216,1196,1197,1209,1193,1200,1203,1201,1213,1204,1205,1190,309],"class_list":["post-3969","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-1194","tag-aytekin-akkaya","tag-bloodsport","tag-cetin-inanc","tag-cuneyt-arkin","tag-cuneyt-arkin-punching-things-like-a-damn-lunatic","tag-d","tag-darth-vader","tag-dunyayi-kurtaran-adam","tag-ed-wood","tag-flas-gordon","tag-freakin-theft","tag-furries","tag-furry-murder","tag-glen-or-glenda","tag-indiana-jones","tag-lumpy-turkish-han-solos","tag-murat","tag-punches","tag-punching","tag-punching-furries","tag-star-wars","tag-star-wars-a-new-hope","tag-the-fonz","tag-the-man-who-saved-the-world","tag-the-turkish-force","tag-the-wizard","tag-turkish-darth-vader","tag-turkish-lightsaber","tag-turkish-obi-wan-kenobi","tag-turkish-princess-leia","tag-turkish-star-wars","tag-unimaginable-nonsense"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3969","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3969"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3969\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4034,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3969\/revisions\/4034"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3969"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3969"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3969"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}