{"id":4186,"date":"2015-06-25T00:53:07","date_gmt":"2015-06-25T00:53:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/?p=4186"},"modified":"2015-06-25T01:00:00","modified_gmt":"2015-06-25T01:00:00","slug":"rampage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/?p=4186","title":{"rendered":"RAMPAGE!!!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Rampage<\/strong><\/a> ~ 2009, Uwe Boll, USA\/Germany<\/p>\n

\"Rampage-2009\"Before we even\u00a0get into the movie, let’s talk about this poster really fast. Firstly, I have no idea who that female character is, and I just watched this flick. It kinda looks like Elvira,\u00a0without her makeup… Yeah, Elvira’s not in this movie.\u00a0Secondly, I love the glowing praise from “Cool Awesome Movies<\/strong>,” who gives this film a whopping 8<\/strong><\/span> stars!!! Apparently, four stars just wasn’t enough, they really liked Rampage<\/em><\/strong>. Who am I to argue?<\/p>\n

I’m Chris Ochs, that’s who. Review time.<\/p>\n

The single best thing that German director Uwe Boll<\/strong> <\/a>ever did for his public image was to slowly disappear completely. Let’s talk about that.<\/p>\n

In the earlier half of the last decade, openly hating on Uwe\u00a0Boll was very fashionable, especially in film-centric social circles. By any and all reckoning, here was a man who rightfully deserved to wear the title of “Single worst film maker of all time,” and who was also a belligerent, incompentent\u00a0dick head, whom nobody could tolerate even on\u00a0the most\u00a0basic, human level.\u00a0According to popular belief, Boll had managed\u00a0to exploit an obscure\u00a0German tax loop hole, which allowed him to secure generous\u00a0financing for a string of woefully ill-advised video game-to film-adaptations, each with relatively high budgets, and occasionally, recognizable actors. They were all unwatchably terrible, and earned consistently poor reviews, which Boll often felt a need to rebut.\u00a0Inarticulate retaliatory statements from\u00a0Uwe began to feel\u00a0pretty\u00a0commonplace, and the situation slowly began to snowball\u00a0more and more, until\u00a0Mr. Boll\u00a0finally became\u00a0universally\u00a0seen as the\u00a0most despised\u00a0social pariah of the entire\u00a0psychotronic film community.<\/p>\n

\"uwe-bole\"<\/p>\n

Which is weird, because he’s so charming.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But this was more or less temporary, simply\u00a0because everyone kinda\u00a0forgot about him.\u00a0Once the video game thing had ran its course, Boll’s\u00a0output became more obscure, and\u00a0he lost even the\u00a0faintest chance of ever again\u00a0knowing the joy that is an\u00a0American mainstream theatrical release. With his movies no longer rubbed mercilessly\u00a0in our faces, the world soon found itself with better things to do, and even Boll’s widley accepted status as Humanity’s shittiest director\u00a0came\u00a0into question\u00a0when Tommy Wisseau and James Nguyen hit the scene, jeopardizing Boll’s only accolade ever!\u00a0Finally, at long last,\u00a0Uwe Boll, Germany’s greatest living shame,\u00a0became little more than a horrible, horrible memory for us all.<\/p>\n

But he didn’t go away completely.\u00a0Uwe Boll had just become easier to ignore. It seems that, unbeknownst to many, Boll’s directorial output didn’t actually slow down all that much, if at all. Year after year he somehow continued to churn out terrible\u00a0movies, and\u00a0in fact, he remains quite prolific, even\u00a0to this day. Which is disappointing and terrifying.<\/p>\n

In 2009, Uwe Boll directed Rampage<\/em>, an exercise in shock value violence that has somehow proven to be one of his best received directorial efforts ever. The general consensus across the web is that this film isn’t horrid, putrid dog shit, and that’s a lofty goal\u00a0which earlier Boll films, like\u00a0Bloodrayne<\/a><\/strong><\/em> or Alone In The Dark,<\/strong><\/em><\/a> would never dare aspire to. Unfortunately, humans are often wrong, and this is one of those times. Rampage<\/em> is horrible<\/strong><\/span>.<\/p>\n

The film\u00a0is best\u00a0described as being kinda like\u00a0Joel Shumacher’s\u00a0Falling Down,<\/a> <\/strong><\/em>as interpreted\u00a0by some\u00a0mentally ill\u00a0teenage boy who needs to be sent to counseling immediately.\u00a0I absolutely mean it, this movie is fucked up, and without reason, or purpose. It’s not even entertaining, and there’s no merit whatsoever to\u00a0justify the considerable lapse in human decency required to watch or otherwise engage Rampage<\/em>. This is not a joke, I mean it, If you find a copy of this movie in the possession of an adolescent, it’s right off\u00a0to counseling with that one. That\u00a0is a plain-as-day red flag.<\/p>\n

THE PLOT~<\/strong> Some sheltered, over privileged Millennial who has never known hardship decides that the world is over populated, and that he has the authority to make any sort of decision regarding the future of the human race, even though he’s just some shit head who isn’t qualified to do anything. This fucking tool, who knows absolutely\u00a0nothing\u00a0except for what he read on Facebook\u00a0this morning,\u00a0then concludes that it is his right to walk around town\u00a0indiscriminately murdering dozens\u00a0upon dozens of people, while wearing a bullet proof costume that\u00a0he bought on the internet, even though the amount of humans who would need to die in order for literally any sort of impact on the Earth to be felt would be in the billions,\u00a0meaning that\u00a0he\u00a0achieves absolutely nothing.\u00a0So, this kid dresses up in his stupid little suit, marches out, and murders a whole bunch of people, which is really, really easy for him to do. Then, he frames the whole thing on\u00a0his best friend, and retires home\u00a0to the comfort of his parents house, where he can continue to not pay rent or get a job, i.e., exist as a non-contributing drain on resources, what a hypocrite.<\/p>\n

And that’s the movie.<\/p>\n

\"uwe-boll\"<\/p>\n

“It’s my masterpiece!”<\/strong><\/p>\n

The violence in this movie is basically inexcusable,\u00a0but heed my words, fellow movie nerds;\u00a0do\u00a0not take my scathing criticism for Rampage’s<\/em> violent content as some sort of backhanded endorsement, I beg of you.\u00a0this is not some psychotronic milestone that you need to check off your bucket list by any means, in fact, if you even have a psychotronic bucket list, then you’ve already spent a lot of time on films that are much, much more extreme than Rampage<\/em>, and most likely every single one was a much better movie anyway. For instance,\u00a0I’ve seen, AND loved many, many films which\u00a0were much\u00a0more violent, graphic, obscene, depraved- you name it. Films with similar themes, like Falling Down,\u00a0<\/em>Death Wish<\/a><\/em><\/strong>, Taxi Driver<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, Ms. 45<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, Dead Man’s Shoes,<\/a><\/strong><\/em> The Devil’s Rejects<\/a><\/strong><\/em>, I Spit On Your Grave<\/strong><\/em><\/a>, and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer,<\/a><\/strong><\/em>\u00a0all of these\u00a0are films which I have seen, and\u00a0appreciate.\u00a0Why, then,\u00a0are those movies a-okay,\u00a0while Rampage<\/em> is not? Really, there are two reasons.<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0Rampage<\/em> isn’t good enough:<\/strong>\u00a0Simple as that. You can be offensive, or you can suck ass, but if you do both, people are a lot\u00a0less likely to tolerate your bullshit.\u00a0A genius has some clout to work with, and can\u00a0buy\u00a0their way out of controversies. If you’re a doofus, you better pray that your movie at least brings in enough money to cover your ass, because if it doesn’t, then we’ll just run you out of town.<\/p>\n

2. The director is an idiot:<\/strong> This does matter. It’s the difference between seeing violent content in a painting done by Leonardo Da Vinci, or seeing violent crayon scribblings perpetrated by some creeper with a learning disability. Boll has no thesis, his film has no subtext, it’s nothing\u00a0more of what it appears to be at its most superficial layer, because that superficial layer is in fact Rampage’s<\/em> ONLY layer. This film is so shallow that it’s emotionally alienating, and comes across as a joyless, empty exercise in bottom-of-the-barrel shock value for shock value’s sake- and that’s Boll at his worst. (See: Postal<\/span><\/u><\/em><\/strong><\/a>.) Rampage<\/em> is, in essence, inexcusable, and socially irresponsible.<\/p>\n

That being said, as far as I know, this is his best movie. I want to clarify that there are plenty of Uwe Boll films which\u00a0I have never seen (thank freaking goodness,)\u00a0but Rampage<\/em>\u00a0certainly beats all of his video game films by miles. It’s almost a real movie!\u00a0The dialogue, and the\u00a0acting especially is\u00a0suspiciously decent and\u00a0naturalistic. Kinda makes a guy wonder…\u00a0Boll supposedly wrote this one, but I stand here before you and call bullshit on that, at least so far as the dialogue is concerned; Boll’s English isn’t good enough, literally any footage of him actually speaking is adequate proof of this.\u00a0What had to have happened is that\u00a0either Boll brought in\u00a0a native English speaker\u00a0to\u00a0fine tune each and\u00a0every line, or the actors themselves\u00a0were given full\u00a0license to re-work and\/or improvise their dialogue as needed. The suggestion that these lines are word for word Boll cannot be entertained, it’s simply not true.<\/p>\n

But that short list of positive things I can muster up\u00a0on Rampage’s<\/em> behalf has now exhausted me, and we’re back to facing the harsh, uncompromising truths associated with Uwe’s cinematic output. Rampage<\/em> blows. It’s not smart enough to be as offensive as it is, and the end result feels uncomfortably empty, stupid, and lame. Really, the only thing we, as humans, can do is to band together and hope that if life exists elsewhere in the universe, that we can keep Uwe Boll’s body of work hidden from them forever, because we’re probably on thin ice as it is, and that’s just the thing to crack it.<\/p>\n

F<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rampage ~ 2009, Uwe Boll, USA\/Germany Before we even\u00a0get into the movie, let’s talk about this poster really fast. Firstly, I have no idea who that female character is, and I just watched this flick. It kinda looks like Elvira,\u00a0without her makeup… Yeah, Elvira’s not in this movie.\u00a0Secondly, I love the glowing praise from “Cool […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1270,1271,1275,1272,148,55,1277,1279,1274,1278,1269,1273,1276,1092,1146],"class_list":["post-4186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-1270","tag-cool-awesome-movies","tag-dead-mans-shoes","tag-death-wish","tag-f","tag-germany","tag-henry-portrait-of-a-serial-killer","tag-i-spit-on-your-grave","tag-ms-45","tag-postal","tag-rampage","tag-taxi-driver","tag-the-devils-rejects","tag-usa","tag-uwe-boll"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4186"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4186\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4214,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4186\/revisions\/4214"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fantasticcrapcomics.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}