Godzilla– 1998. Roland Emmerich – USA

…I don’t want to spend too much time on this one… It’s just kicking a guy when he’s down. More importantly, there’s nothing to say. Godzilla is crap. It serves no purpose, but to be the far, shallow end of the Godzilla franchise’s grading scale… With any luck, this will always be the worst Godzilla film.

I has almost no connection to Godzilla, save for  name, and the fact that it’s about a giant, lizard like monster, attacking a city. By this token, Gorgo and Reptilicus are as close to Gojira as Godzilla is. What a foul stench this one leaves….

THE PLOT- Do I have to? A radioactive iguana attacks New York. Turns out he’s laying eggs there and building a nest under ground, because this “Godzilla” reproduces asexually. Wonderful. A good chunk of the film features Jean Reno and a bunch of losers being chased around by baby Godzillas, because this shit-fest wants to rip off  Jurassic Park more than it does the actual movies it’s supposed to be based on. How embarrassing.

The Godzilla redesign is also just awfull, but to be fair, I remember when this movie was released, and I expected them to drastically rewrite the book when it came to Godzilla’s physical appearance. I think that was a sign on the times, people expected it. It’s good that Gareth Edward’s 2014 reboot stuck with a design a lot closer to the classic Godzilla, because that’s the ultimate case of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

It’s even bad enough to be noteworthy! It sucks ass, but it lands right on the “who cares” level of film assessment. Really, the name “Godzilla” is the ONLY reason this thing didn’t end up being forgotten by now, because beyond that, there’s nothing here.

It’s worth mentioning that Toho was so repulsed by this piece of shit that they acknowledged its existance within the timeline of Godzilla proper just so that they could assert that this was NOT Godzilla, and then they friggin’ killed this stupid thing in Final Wars.

F